My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
