I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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