oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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