No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
