Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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