Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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