Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
