I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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