well you can't waste a boner
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
