I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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