Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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