pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
