the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
