this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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