I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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