dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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