Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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