There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
