I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize