Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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