If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
