no, he came in my armpit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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