I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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