I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
