eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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