My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
