so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
