Got a toothbrush?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
