theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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