Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Even my vagina gasped.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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