I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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