Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
