Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.