I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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