I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
