She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
