Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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