Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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