Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
