That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
