i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
