I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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