It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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