I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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