After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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