My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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