I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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