everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
