4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
