I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
