Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize