sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
