spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
