omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
