Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
