Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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