my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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