I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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