I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
